So it was like any other normal night at home. The hubby was watching tv (Al Bundy style). Our teenage daughter already headed to bed for the night with her favorite book. And I was preparing my fur babies pebbles and Mr.slate (AKA hunka loo loo) for bed. After they did their business outside, we headed to bed.
About 10 minutes of relaxing in bed watching everybody loves Raymond. BAM! Out of nowhere my 80 pound dog Hunka comes jumping right at me, and my leg was the number target. Before I could even react, he took hold of my left leg and started making sweet sweet love to it. I tried so hard to break myself free from this humping machine, but I couldn’t. He was too strong. I started screaming help!! I kept hoping that someone would hear my pleas of distress. I couldn’t even reach my phone to send out an SOS.
As I continued to scream for help. BA- BAM! Pebbles comes flying in my direction. But this time hunka was the target. Pebbles heard my pleas for help before anyone else. She jumped on hunka loo loo like a boss, and started humping the crap out of him. She got right into the same rhythm as him. It was like the humps were timed just right. It was humping at it’s finest! Now I understand that she was only trying to help save her momma, but now I got 2 big dogs on me. Just picture it for a moment. I was flat on my back, Hunka was humping me, and pebbles was humping him, the headboard was banging against the wall, and both dogs had such fierce determination in their eyes. It wasn’t a pretty picture. I was stuck in a humping nightmare. It was a vicious humping cycle, with no end in sight. I kept hoping and praying that the humping would cease or someone would come to my rescue me.
After giving it all I got and screaming louder this time, Someone else finally heard my pleas! My Hubby and daughter burst through the door and started yelling at the dogs to get off of me. My fur babies listened to them immediately. My leg was finally free! I took a breath of relief. And we all started laughing uncontrollably.
Have you ever experienced something like this with your fur babies? Were any of you stuck in an incredibly odd position?
As always thank you for all the love and support. I hope you enjoyed this story. It’s 100% true, and the struggle was definitely real.
Happy fathers day to all the wonderful fathers out there! You know who you are! And Happy fathers day to all the fathers that are with us in spirit! You will never be forgotten 🙂 Have a wonderful day everyone!
Okay I have to admit, this isn’t really about all the great moms out there that definitely deserve this title. This Blog post is about Terrible moms who think that they are all that and a bag of chips. Who think they deserve the title of (mom of the year). But come on, we all know the truth. Now I know that there are also a lot of bad dads out there, but today I’m just covering the bad moms. With that being said, I have a toast to make. Raise your glasses up really high……..
Here’s to the moms
that use their children as a pawn or bargaining tool to get back at their ex. Or to try and get back with them. Really! Haven’t the children suffered enough! Give it up already, he doesn’t want your crazy, self loving, inconsiderate, lazy ass back. Using your kids as a pawn, is only going to make matters worse, and hurt the kids. Now I understand maybe, just maybe, you could’ve of ended the relationship because he was the ass. Still you don’t use your kids as a pawn or bargaining tool, whether it’s to try and get back with your ex or to just try to make them suffer for Ticking you off. Listen, unless he is a horrible abusive guy , then you should not hold his kids from him. If he is a great guy and father, let him see his kids. Don’t use your children for your own personal gain.
Here’s to the moms
Who abuse their kids. No kid should be abused physically, emotionally, or sexually. And no child should be neglected. Neglecting your child is another form of abuse. Take some parenting and/or anger management classes. A good parent doesn’t abuse their kids.
Here’s to the moms
That don’t put their kids above their own selfish needs and wants. You don’t need another tattoo! I repeat, you don’t need another tattoo when your kids don’t have food at home. You don’t need that new Louis Vuitton purse, when your kid needs a new book bag for school. You don’t need that new thong or bra from Victoria Secret, when your kids need new clothes. And you absolutely don’t need to go to the bar every weekend to meet new potential daddies for your kids, or to just go for the occasional hookup. You should be at home being the best mom you can be and reading your kids a bedtime story. You should not be getting drunk with strangers and spending all of your child support money or work money (if you got a job). The kids come first!
Here’s to the moms
That use ear plugs at night, so they can’t here the baby cry. I know, You must be really tired from pretending to be a great mom all day. The struggle is real, I’m sure. It’s okay, hopefully the kids dad or someone else is there to go check on the baby, because you need your rest.
Here’s to the moms
That sleep around. I guess one person is just not enough. Yeah you should probably be stamped with a warning label. “Warning, dead beat mom that whores around”. But I totally understand, you want to keep your options open. I get it!
Here’s to the moms
That put a guy before their kids. Your kids should always come first, no matter what. No Exceptions!
Here’s to the moms
Who make up excuses or lies about an illness that they just don’t have, to cancel their visitation with their kids.
Or they just pretend they have an illness for attention (Munchausen Syndrome). Listen if you’re going to lie about having a serious illness, make sure you do your research on that particular illness so your lie sounds believable.
Wait keep those glasses raised……….
Here’s to the moms
That bad mouth the other parent. Stop! This is so wrong. Remember you never look good, when you’re trying to make someone else look bad.
Here’s to the moms
That do favors for guys while their kids are in the next room. Really!!! Wow!!! Can you get any lower?
And Here’s to the moms
That let their kids do whatever they want, and talk however they want. This isn’t cool. First the kid is going to walk all over you. You will lose all control. Second their probably going to get into some kind of trouble, seeing that they have no rules. And third, society isn’t going to like them very much, because they have no respect.
I’m sure there is way more stuff that I’m missing. Come on everyone, add something to this toast J
Okay so with your glasses raised really high, Here’s to the Moms Of The Year, AKA Bad Moms Of The Year.
Do you want to add anything to this toast? Do you know someone who deserves this title and recognition? All comments are welcome, good or bad 🙂 Please feel free to share with all your friends. And as always, thank you to all my fans. Love you all 🙂
So who else watched that Heartbreaking episode of Nashville last night?? How did you feel about what happened? I for one, Wasn’t pleased. Words can’t even describe how angry and sad I am. I never expected them to kill off one of the main characters (Rayna James). I honestly don’t know if the show can now survive without her, but we will see. Do you think the show will survive? What do you think about Teddy Conrad coming back? Isn’t he suppose to be in jail still? I guess we’ll find out everything better in the weeks to come. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to be able to handle watching Rayna’s funeral next week. This is all just so sad. I still can’t believe it’s true. RIP Rayna James:( Your character will definitely be missed.
I would like to know all of your opinions. Are you just as devastated as I am? Yesterday was definitely a horrible day for all us Nashies.
Okay give me one WORD or SENTENCE, that describes the best KISS you have ever gotten. We’re talking about That one amazing, incredible, sexy,hot, mind blowing, seeing stars kind of kiss. The one that tops any other kiss you’ve ever gotten. Whether you’ve experienced it with an EX, a fling, or with the current love of your life, I want to hear about it. I could probably write a book on the most amazing kiss I’ve ever experienced. I’ll never forget it 🙂 Since I don’t have time to write that amazing book, I’ll just give you a few words. rough but gentle, perfect rhythm, mind blowing (which I mentioned above), oh the list goes on. Did I mention super hot! It was the kind of kiss, that made you want to do bad things. Really bad things 🙂 I can still feel that kiss on my lips, every time I think about it.
Okay so give me one word or sentence, or even a paragraph that describes the most mind blowing kiss you have ever experienced in your life 🙂
So I was really bored the other night. When I’m bored, my mind tends to wonder. It wonders way off into my own little world, where I think of fun and crazy things I can do. So anyways, My hubby just got in the shower and I was in the living room, relaxing in the recliner, being bored and minding my own business. Then BA BAM, it hit me! The urge to flour bomb my husband just came to me. This just felt so right! I had to do this! I was definitely overwhelmed with excitement.
Okay so after preparing my enormous bowl of flour, I headed to the bathroom. Before entering the bathroom, I could hear the amazing vocals of my husband. He was probably singing to the left testicle again lol. Hopefully he doesn’t leave the right one out this time lol
So anyways, I open the door and walk in. His singing stops immediately. “What do you want woman?” I just have to grab something honey. After I said that, he continued on with his shower without another peep. I figured if I was going to make my move, it had to be now. I was on a flour bombing mission, and I was determined not to fail.
I walked up to the shower, and raised the flour bowl high above the shower curtain, and dumped it in. Then I ran like hell. I heard a lot of cussing, but I kept on running lol. I just flour bombed my husband, there was no time to be slow. I really had to haul ass here lol. I was not going to stick around to see how angry he was. I ran, grabbed the car keys, and decided to go to the store. Some grocery shopping was definitely in order.
About 45 minutes later, I arrived back home. I walked in the door, and there he was, sitting on the couch, looking sexy and pissed as ever. After taking a puff of his cigarette, and a swig of his bear, he looked at me and said “paybacks are a bitch”. I’m so sorry honey, I was just really bored and the idea just popped into my head. “Do you know how long it took me to get the flour out of my eyeball?” Which eyeball I asked? Boy if looks could kill lol. Does it matter woman. No honey, I’m so sorry. I promise to never flour bomb you again. Oh this isn’t over, I’m going to get you back. I love that my husband has such a good sense of humor. He is definitely perfect for me 🙂
So have you ever floured bombed your better half before? How did he or she react? If you’re bored, it’s definitely a fun prank to try lol.
I’m just going to get right to the point. Let’s talk about porn! I want everyone’s thoughts on this subject. In a relationship, if you read porn, should your better half be able to watch it?? In my opinion, I say yes. I read porn, and I believe that my hubby should be able to watch it anytime he wants to. I don’t see the problem or harm in it. I think porn is harmless. And I don’t know what I would do, if I couldn’t read it anymore. There’s absolutely nothing like reading vampire, werewolf, and alien porn. Oh and the occasional human porn. If someone were to take away my porn, I wouldn’t be too happy. It would be like taking chocolate from a woman. You just don’t do it. There are rules.
But everyone has mixed feelings about this subject. And I would love to hear everyones opinion on this matter. So if one person reads the porn in the relationship, should the other be able to watch it? Do you welcome porn into your relationship, or are you just against it altogether? And if you are a porn lover, do you read it or watch it, or both?? All opinions are welcome 🙂
Please feel free to like, comment and share with all your friends. Would love to hear everyones opinion 🙂
And as always thank you for the continued support.
To commit or not to commit, is the question? This is a subject that hits too close to home for me. And I’m sure for a lot of you out there as well. Back in the day, I could care less about commitment. I was young and having fun lol. As I got older, I longed for something more. A true commitment. I was definitely ready to settle down.
It took my hubby 7 years to get off the pot and propose. Don’t get me wrong, he was definitely worth the wait. But come on, 7 years. Really!! That pot must’ve been really comfortable lol. Maybe it was one of those pots that warmed the tooshie. Who knows. Well anyways, During those first 7 years of utter bliss , I ranked pretty low. That’s right my relationship was at a lease status. Allow me to explain. When you’re in a lease status, this means you can test the waters until it’s time to renew. Then you can either renew the lease or move on.
Now I’m not just talking about men here. Woman have commitment issues as well. But everyone has commitment issues for different reasons.
Now lets talk about a when one ranks in a timeshare status. Timeshare status meaning, you have been in it forever, but have never gotten anything out of it. I know a few people who rank in this status. To make it to this incredible status, You know what you have to do. Yep you guessed it, keep renewing that amazing lease. But remember you got to be really good at sealing the deal to keep that lease going. You better be offering something good to keep the other person coming back for more, Or you’ll never make it to that timeshare status.
Once you’ve made it to your 10th year of your lease, you can take a deep breath and relax, the hard part is over, you have now made it to a timeshare status. Yay! But who would of thought that moving up in rank from a lease to a timeshare would feel like you were at the lowest status possible. How can moving up make you feel so low? I mean moving up in rank should make you feel happy right? It would if you were actually moving up. A timeshare may come after a lease, but you’re actually taking a step back. This is a tough status to rank at. More than likely this is not the status you were hoping for.
Now I know they say “good things come to those who wait”. But how long are we talking about here? How long is too long to wait for a true commitment? Should we have to wait until our first wrinkle comes into view, or when our boobs and balls start to sag. I mean come on people, shouldn’t there be a cutoff limit to how long someone actually should wait for the opposing idiot to decide if you’re worthy or not. I guess the real question is, is this idiot worthy of you? Only you can decide if he or she is worth the wait. My sexy idiot was definitely worth the wait. I like how Beyonce put it “If you liked it, then you should of put a RING on it”. Every relationship is different. And not everyone is going to want to wait years for a true commitment, especially if you’re not worth the wait. So what I’m trying to say is “Shit or get off the pot”.
If you’re lucky enough, one day, and I hope one day this happens for you all, you can make it smack down in the middle of the lease and the timeshare with a mortgage. That’s right, you can get that shit in writing. A true commitment! I was beyond thrilled to make it to a mortgage status. I got to walk down the aisle before things started to sag. Oh and I got to marry the love of my life.
Now maybe you and your significant other are happy at your current rank. As long as your happy that’s all that matters. But always know your worth and never wait for someone who is not worth waiting for. Remember, you deserve to be happy:)
So what’s your rank? Are you happy with your current rank?
So lets talk about them Steroids. I have a love hate relationship with prednisone. Anyone who has taken this medicine before, knows first hand about what it does to you. And I’m not going to lie, this medicine F’s you up. But it also is a big help. So I’m here to tell you about the 7 dwarfs of prednisone.
1.) Your face goes from looking like a slice of pizza to looking like the whole damn pizza . (MOON FACE) It’s not pretty site, I assure you. There was people that I have known for a long time, that didn’t even recognize me anymore. Hell I didn’t even recognize myself. After few weeks on the prednisone, I guess you could say I was a whole new person lol
2.)Your mood changes drastically. It’s a little thing called ROID RAGE. All my life, I have always been a happy, positive, sweet, compassionate, people loving person. Once the steroids got me, yep that was all over. I was growling at my husband, cussing out the machine at the self checkout at a grocery store, I got smart with the manager at a restaurant for discontinuing one of my favorite meals. This medicine made me crazy, mean. It’s like I grew a set of nuts over night, And I felt like I could take on the whole world.
3.) So then there’s the BUFFALO HUMP. Yep That’s right, You get a Hump on the back of your neck. And not a little hump either. This one is quite noticeable. In fact if it got any bigger, it would connect to your back, And it would look like you were the hunchback of notre dame.
4.) Lets get to the FOOD CRAVINGS. Everyone’s experience is different when taking this medication. For me, I wanted to eat everything in site. I was hungry 24/7. And if I didn’t get food, lets just say I wasn’t too happy.
5.) Then you know with all those food cravings, The weight just piles on you. From my experience and the experience of other people I know, who have taken this medicine, it doesn’t matter if you eat or not. You will BLOW up. Eating a lot really doesn’t help though. You have no self control on this medicine. I gained a whopping 50 pounds in 3 months. You could just imagine the stretch marks I got. It looked like FREDDY GOT ME.
6.) Ever have trouble sleeping (INSOMNIA)? Well if you take prednisone, you have a real good chance of not being able to sleep. I have always been a good sleeper. My dosage was so high with the steroids that I hardly got any sleep. I had so much energy. My doctors gave me sleeping a pill, which was bad for me. It’s not good to give a sleep walker sleeping pills. It worked on me, I was able to sleep. It worked so well that I was sleep walking and eating out of the garbage, per my husband.
7.) Then there’s all the possible HEALTH RISKS associated with taking this medicine for a long period of time. Just to name a few, there’s steroids induced diabetes, liver issues, eye problems, thinning of the bones leading to osteoporosis, and many more possible health risks. When I started to taking prednisone, it was to help one problem. It definitely helped my problem, but also gave me a ton more problems. I was on high doses of steroids for a little over a year, so you can just imagine the problems I got from this medicine.
So there you have it, the 7 dwarfs of prednisone. Now I know there’s more than just 7, but today I’m just listing what I think are the top 7. I guess when it comes to prednisone, you have to take the good with the bad. I’m still recovering from the effects of prednisone.
So have any of you ever took steroids before, and experienced the same problems that I have? I want to hear your story.
One thing you will learn about me, is that I’m really honest and not shy. I will share all the crazy, gruesome details and will never hold back. I also promise 100% full disclosure to all my fans. Besides nobody’s perfect. And I will never pretend to be perfect. I love the person that I’ve become.
I love talking about poop explosions, the pink and blue balls, deodorant, brushing with balmex, how rough toilet paper is so much better than the soft, penis injuries and flying suppositories and much more.
I will also always stand up for what I believe in. As you all may know, I’m a proud supporter of trying to rid the world of chapped genitals, my husband singing to his testicles, filling up past the over flow. And I’m really passionate about raising awareness about those fleas that cause penis injuries. Straight up people, protect what’s yours, and watch out for them fleas. I know first hand what could happen. Just ask my hubby. He’s still traumatized, and I’m still providing emotional support.
My hobbies consist of Driving my husband crazy, singing karaoke, farming on face book, reading, bowling, dancing ( I love doing the running man and moon walking), gardening, And most importantly writing.
I’m also a proud mom of a beautiful daughter, and fur mom to 3 dogs and 1 rabbit. I’m also a proud wife to one hell of a sexy beast. Life is good!
Bottom line, Just be you J Don’t ever let anyone ever bring you down. You are all special in your own way. There is never any judgment here at Crazyredders. I love all of you.
Tell me what you’re proud of? What are you passionate about? And what do you love the most? And if you have any questions for me, feel free to ask anything.