So today after showering and dressing, I went up to the bathroom mirror to start applying my makeup.
-Eye Liner check
Wait where’s my lipstick? It was nowhere in sight. I searched and then searched some more, but I came up with nothing. So then the real investigation started. Yep that’s right, in exactly 2.5 seconds, this ginger went from happy house wife to CSI investigator. And the hubby was first on the list to be interrogated. Hey I know what’s up. I watch ID (investigation Discovery), and the spouse is always to blame first lol.
So I approached the hubby and asked, So honey where’s my lipstick at? Have you seen it? What’s your alibi? ect. He looked at me and threw his arms up and said, here we go again. No woman, how many times do I have to tell you, I did not take you lip stuff.
Honey don’t mess with me. Do you know how hard it is to find lip stick to go with my fair skin tone?
He looked at me with a smile on his face and said, it can’t be that hard honey. It’s called whiteout, you can find it at all your local stores.
He’s too much lol I was a little upset, but at the same time I have to admit, that was a good one lol. I don’t know where he comes up with this stuff. When it comes to relationships, I have learned that you got to joke and laugh with one another. You can’t always be serious. I’m still determined though to find that lipstick. I guess the investigation still goes on lol.
Let me just get right to the point. I was sitting in the living room with my hubby. It was just another normal day. He was watching tv and I was reading more of my vampire porn. As i was really getting into my book, he yells out “oh shit”, be back honey, gotta poop. In a blink of an eye, he was gone. He must’ve really had to go. Anyways about 25-30 minutes later, he walks back into the living room rubbing his stomach. Are you ok honey? Ya I’m ok. But My god that was a child birth. Yep that’s my hubby for ya lol. He cracks me up.
A Couple nights ago, the hubby just got home from work and suddenly I felt the need to play some music. Imagine that lol. Anyone who knows me, knows I always have the need to jam to music and hit them high notes. And it drives my hubby crazy lol. With that being said I decided to take it back, back to the 80’s. I absolutely love the 80’s! Anyways, after listening and jamming to (nothings gonna stop us now by Starship) and (is this love by Whitesnake) and then giving it all I got and really hitting them high notes to ( How will I know by Whitney Houston), Bette Davis Eyes by Kim Carnes came on. At that moment I was long gone, in my own little world. I was one with the music, and had no control over my body or voice anymore. The 80’s just do something to me, I just can’t explain it. As I continued to sing and jam, I suddenly snapped out of my 80’s trance. What made me snap out of it you ask? Well I’ll tell you. While I was down on both knees with both arms spread out, raised above my shoulders, really giving it my all to Bette Davis Eyes. You know really going for it, really hitting them high notes. I felt like I was Mariah Carey on stage, in front of millions of people. And I was just giving the people what they wanted. It was a wonderful feeling. Then out of nowhere, BAM , I heard the hubby singing out loud, also hitting the high notes. Normally he is telling me to shut the hell up, because my singing drives him nuts. But no, instead he’s trying to steal my thunder. He ruined my whole performance. Now it was on, on like Donkey Kong. I could hear him singing, but he was nowhere in sight. After telling my imaginary band to take 10, I decided to let his singing guide me. I followed the singing all the way to the bathroom door. With one quick movement, I swung the bathroom door open and stepped inside. Nothing could of prepared me for what I walked into. He was also putting on a performance of his own, while taking a pee. While standing over the toilet, with his prize possession aiming perfectly without any help from the hands, my husband had his head back with his arms spread wide, singing Bette Davis Eyes. Yep, talent at it’s finest! Honey what are you doing? What does it look like I’m doing woman? I just looked at him and said, well if I had to guess, I’d probably say you were trying to steal my thunder. You know, try to take the spotlight for yourself. Believe me women, I wasn’t trying to take your spotlight. I was singing to my left testicle. Really! Where was righty in all this? Why was lefty the only one to get a solo performance from you? Well I’m left handed, so I always gear towards the left. Do you have a problem with my performance honey? Putting aside the fact that you interrupted my performance, I thought your performance was great. It’s not everyday you see someone singing to their left testicle. In fact, I would even consider working with you in the future. We would make a great team! If we would put both of our performances together, we would be a sold out concert. Woman you are crazy, but that’s why I love you I do have a suggestion though. And what is that, he asked? Well for your future performances, you should look at your testicles as a math problem. What you do to one side, you should always do to the other. It’s not right to pick favorites. Just saying. Noted, now can I finish peeing in peace. Okay, but keep it down, I got my own performance going on out here. I gotta give the people what they want again, and I can’t have any distractions. Okay honey, go give the people what they want and leave me the hell alone. Little privacy please.
It’s moments like these, that I’m reminded how much of an inspiration my hubby is in my life. Whether it’s singing, dancing, loving, parenting, ect, we make the perfect team.
So you all might have gathered from my previous blog posts, is that my husband plays a big role on my blog. Most of the stories involves him. He is definitely my biggest inspiration. Words can’t even describe how wonderful it is to be able to find that one special someone that completes you. We’ve made so many good memories together. And most of those memories turned into some really good messed up content. So here’s to my sexy husband. And here’s to many more memories. We make one hell of a team!
So without further ado, lets get to some more of that messed up content.
I don’t know if any of you out there have ever had to poop by candlelight, but my husband has, and I can assure you that the struggle is real.
Evening had already set in a couple hours before I arrived home. I was gone most of the day running errands. As soon as I walked in the door, our daughter runs up to me and says “I’m so happy your home.”
Her: Because I’ve had to listen to daddy complain for the past hour.
Me: About what?
And before she could say anything else, my loving, caring and understanding husband walks in the room with this look of frustration on his face.
Me: Hi honey
Him: Don’t hi honey me. Where’s the light bulbs ? Didn’t you buy some the other day when you went grocery shopping?
Me: No, I forgot to. You should of put it on the list.
Him: I did
Me: are you sure?
Him: Oh I’m sure
Me: Well I must have been skimming that day. Sometimes when I’m in a hurry, I skim through the list. So I must’ve skimmed right past it.
Him: Skimmed? Really you just skimmed right past it. Do you know what I went through woman?
Me: No but I’m sure your going to tell me. What’s Your major malfunction anyways? I honestly can’t see you suffering that bad without light bulbs. I mean come on, you don’t even like the light anyways. Your always complaining when I leave lights on. Your definitely a dark kinda of guy. So quit lying to yourself and just accept it and move on. So come on tell me. What did Mr. Dark need light for?
On that note our daughter went upstairs because she couldn’t hold her laugh in anymore. It was getting tough for me also lol
Him: For the f%@!%#@ bathroom
Me: What you can’t find the hole on your own? You need a light shining down to show you the way.
Him: Listen here smart@#%, I have no problems finding it and yeah I do complain about lights always being on.. They don’t always have to be on, except for when I have to take a poop. I want light for pooping. For some odd reason you like to turn on all the lights in this house. And that’s probably why they’re always blowing.
Me: From what I can see , You’re blessed.
Him: Blessed, Yeah I’m real f%@!%#@ blessed.
Me: You are! You had a small light guiding your way and lucky for you I didn’t skim past the toilet paper. So Why are you complaining?
Him: You try pooping by candlelight. It’s not easy.
Me: Okay Honey, I can see that this has really upset you. I promise, first thing in the morning, I will go out and buy some. I love you!
Him: Uh ha
Me: come on lets decide what we want to do for dinner.
Him: we can’t because the light blew in the kitchen too.
After he said that, I picked up my purse and headed to the door. I told him I’ll be back. I’m going to buy light bulbs.
It was either I go to the store, or stay home and deal with another possible traumatic experience. I didn’t want to take the chance lol
So have any of you, or your better half gone through a traumatic experience like this before? Would love to hear all about it.
What’s up my crazyredder fans? I know I haven’t posted anything on my crazyredders website for a year now, and i’m truly sorry. I got really sick and had to see a lot of doctors. but I’m happy to say that I’m feeling much better now. And i’m on my way to good health again. Thank you to all of you for your patience and understanding. I can finally get back to what I love doing. Tomorrow I will be posting my new blog post here on my crazyredders website at http://www.crazyredders.com. You won’t want to miss this one. It’s called pooping by candlelight. So come subscribe and happy reading Thank you for the support.
About a few days ago, I was bored and feeling kinda frisky and decided I would try a pickup line on my hubby, to see if it would work on him. Not that I really needed to, seeing that I already got the man. However it’s still something fun to try, especially if your bored. The things I do to keep myself occupied lol.
Well anyways, after getting myself all prettied up, I walked over to where he was standing in the living room and said, “Hey sexy, What you doing?”
In his most funny sarcastic voice he said, I’m scratching my nuts, what does it look like I’m doing?
I looked at him and said, I don’t know, I thought maybe you were just choking your chicken or something. He started laughing so hard, I thought he was going to pee himself. Good thing he has a strong bladder, because I don’t need no more laundry lol After the laughing subsided, he then said what do you want honey?
I thought to myself, okay I’m ready for this. Yeah I’m freaking ready for this. I practiced my pickup line all day, I got all prettied up, and I lit the honeydew candle on the coffee table. It’s now or never. Lets do this!
I walked over and got close to him. You know, real close. And then I started rubbing my hands on his chest karate kid style (wax on wax off) and said “honey I was thinking, I really need to get a library card.
He laughed a little and said where did that come from? And why do you need a library card? You got a freaking kindle woman, and I’m pretty sure that the library doesn’t have your vampire porn books you like reading.
I looked at him and said, because I’m checking you out. After laughing some more, he gave me a hug and kiss and said, woman you already got me, you don’t have to try and pick me up. But I have to say that was a good one though.
I know, but I was bored and wanted to see your reaction lol.
He then said, why don’t you go and make us some popcorn, and I’ll put a movie on. As soon as I started heading to the kitchen, he yelled out “hey honey”. I turned around and said yeah. He yelled back and said, do you have a porch with that swing? I just laughed and walked away. He’s too funny. We were definitely made for each other lol
So what did you think about this story? Have you ever used a pickup line on your significant other? Comment below, I would like to hear all about it
I drove down to one of the local stores in my town, to get a few items for the house. As soon as I walked into the store, right away the cashier stopped talking to the young girl he was talking too and looked at me and said “Welcome to the ________ _________.” The first thing that came to mind, was to say thank you. So I told him thank you. I wasn’t sure whether it was the right thing to say or not, because I was really tired lol. But I do know this, the simple thank you that I said back to him, was good manners.
After I said thank you, I walked away to start my shopping and the cashier and the girl continued to talk again. They were talking so loud, I could here them complaining about how I only said thank you. I mean what was I supposed to say? At the time, I thought a thank you was sufficient enough. I guess not at this store. Apparently it is frowned upon in this establishment lol It’s not like I was dating someone for a long time and they said I love you to me, and I all I said was thank you back. I was shopping for household items for crying out loud.
So tell me what you all think, and if you would of said or did something differently. I am very interested in hearing everyone’s views on this. Please feel free share with all your friends. I would love to hear from all you
Let me just start off by saying that, I adore my husband and I love him dearly, but he is a real pain in my butt. He likes to put things off all the time. And I’m not talking about a few days. He likes to put things off for years. Throughout the years every time I would ask him “When are you going to fix the bathroom?” He would always say, I need to think about how I’m going to do everything. I’m no expert, but I didn’t think it took years of thinking to remodel a bathroom. After all the years of all that hard thinking he had to do , I should’ve had the bathroom of my dreams by now.
Well here’s how it all started. Lets rewind back to the year 2008, when my husband had more hair, my daughter was in kindergarten and I was 20 pounds lighter. yeah those were some good times.
Well anyways, one late night, I just finished taking a bath. I lifted the lever to drain the water. A couple minutes later I hear my husband yelling and cussing up a storm. I run downstairs to see what his major malfunction was. As soon as I made it to where he was, “which was the kitchen”, I saw a major leak coming through the kitchen ceiling. The leaking was coming from the upstairs bathroom. I bet you can probably guess that my husband wasn’t too happy at that moment. Hey there’s worse things that could happen. I try to think positive.
The very next day my husband decided he was not only going to fix, but also remodel the whole bathroom. Woo hoo my man was on a mission, and nothing was going to stop him lol He gave me a kiss goodbye and headed to the hardware store. He returned about hour and half later with all the supplies. After telling me about everything he bought, he headed upstairs and got down to business. Man I love it when he gets down to business. There is nothing sexier than your man fixing something that’s on the fix list. It’s an absolute turn on.
Well after a few hours of getting down to business, he called me upstairs to tell me he was all finished. The bathroom looked great! Everything was done except for the new tile, which we could take care of that on another day. Later on that night I decided I was ready for round 2 “yeah baby”. I was going to try and take a bath again since he fixed it. After the bath, I got out and wrapped a towel around me and lifted the lever to drain the water. Yep you guessed it lol. Wouldn’t you know it , a couple minutes later, I hear my loving and caring husband yelling and cussing again. This time I knew what his major malfunction was. You didn’t have to be a psychic to what got his tighty whities in a twist. When I got down stairs I tried to calm him down. You know, be the best wife I could be.
Honey it’s okay, don’t worry abut this tonight, we’ll worry about this tomorrow. Well if looks could kill lol He looked at me and said, Woman I layed the floor already, and I”m not lifting the floor up. Now If we want it fixed, we have to cut a hole in the kitchen ceiling, and i don’t know when I will be able to get to cutting that hole. I just looked at him and said, okay honey I understand, just go relax and I’ll clean the water up. He then just stomped away.
Now lets flash forward 6 years to the year 2014, Now my husband doesn’t have as much hair as he use too, my daughter is in the 5th grade and has a smart mouth, and I put on a few or more pounds, but whose counting, right!
Throughout the past 6 years I would ask my hubby when he was going to fix the bathroom and he would just come up with the “I’m thinking ” excuse again. After waiting 6 years, I felt it was time to get my bathroom fixed. Hell I deserved a good functioning bath tub. I really missed taking a bath. I was determined to get my bathroom fixed this year. I was done with the excuses, and the whining, and I was definitely done with the thinking. I was the one on a mission this time lol. After revving up the ginger in me, I walked right up to him and I asked him, Honey since we have nothing going on today, would you please try and fix the bathroom? Sure honey, I was planning on doing it anyways he said. I was truly shocked by his response. I’m glad plan A worked, because if he would of said no, I was going to have let the crazy out with plan B. I personally like to call plan B “ginger snap”.
About 20 minutes or so later, my hubby got back down to business. Even though it was 6 years later, I didn’t care, business was still business and he still looked real good doing it. And the fact that something was going to get fixed on the fix it list, got me real excited. Yep it’s still a turn on.
He then started cutting a hole in the kitchen ceiling. After the hole was cut, he had me go upstairs to turn the water on so he could see were the leak was coming from. We left the water run for a few minutes or so, but we couldn’t find no leak. It was a miracle! Our bathroom was not leaking anymore. We even filled up the tub and released the water, but still no leak. If this wasn’t a miracle , then we were going crazy lol We then decided to take a break, because one of our good friends stopped by to say hi. While talking with our friend about our leaking problem, he stated to tell us about how his wife would always fill up the water past the overflow, and it would cause the tub to leak. I asked him, what is the overflow? He said right where the lever is. And then it hit me. It was like a switched flicked the light on in my head. Even Jimmy cliffs song from 1993 started playing in my head “I could see clearly now, the rain was gone” I instantly looked at my hubby and said, Oh ya honey, I always fill up the water past the overflow, maybe that’s were the leak is coming from. And if it is, then I guess we didn’t need to make that unnecessary hole in the kitchen ceiling. Well If looks could kill again lol. I would’ve been dead right on the spot.
Woman you can’t fill the water up past the overflow. Well why not ? I need too, because I want to be able to cover my whole body. You just can’t. It’s not good to fill it up past the overflow. Well the tub didn’t come with special instructions and i don’t remember them teaching us about the overflow in school, so how was I to know. Besides now that we know what the problem is, are you going to fix it?
Maybe, only if you promise not to fill it up past the overflow again.
I promise I won’t honey. I just want my tub fixed.
Alright alright I know, I just told a tiny little fib, but what he don’t know, won’t hurt him. Besides I have never been one to listen to any man. It’s just not in my nature. I’m an independent woman. And if I want water covering my whole body, then that’s what I’m going to get.
That same day he fixed the overflow and I’m very happy to report, I have been able to fill that bad boy up past the overflow and take nice long baths now. But we still have an unnecessary hole in our kitchen ceiling. That project can stay on the fix it list for bit longer, because I just got my tub fixed and I wasn’t about to push my luck lol Besides I’m sure the hubby has alot of thinking to do for that project. It’s a pretty big hole lol
I have been through a lot in my past, but I wouldn’t change one bit of it. My past has made me the person I am today. I am proud of how my life has turned out and I’m proud of the person I have become.
In honor of my past, I prepared a speech. Alright everyone raise them glasses up high. Here’s to all my past relationships and experiences. You know who you are.
-Here’s to the skater boy with all the great moves
-And here’s to the male stripper I use to date. Thank you for the striptease that you would do for every A I got in college. That’s motivation at it’s finest!
-Here’s to the cowboy That could really fill out them jeans.
-Here’s to the tattoo artist. You were one hell of a kisser.
-Oh and here’s to the ginger with good vibes. http://crazyredders.com/?s=good+vibe
-Here’s to the idiot that wanted a prenup when he didn’t have anything lol
-Here’s to the mechanic. Thanks for the free service.
-Here’s to the mama’s boy who refused to kiss on the first date. Hey there’s nothing wrong with that.
-Here’s to the military guy for showing up at my door for our second date holding his alarm clock. You made it real easy for me to kick you to the curb.
-And here’s to the lunatic that chased my car down because I cancelled our date. I guess my instincts were right.
And here’s to the rest that didn’t make the list today. Thanks for all the different and unique experiences. Each and every one of you brought me a step closer to the sexy redneck from the rocks. (rocks short for mckees rocks)
Keep your glasses raised up, not done yet. Here’s to all the parties, clubbing, bonfires, camping and fishing trips, karaoke bars. Here’s to friendships, heartaches, losses, tears, and here’s to all the times I got lost because I have bad sense of direction. I guess bad direction can be good too. I found love without a gps lol
All of this plus more has led me to the Redneck From The Rocks. One of the many blessings my past led me too. And I will be forever thankful for that.
Here’s to the past everyone. Cheers!!