First page of the Humor archive

FLOUR BOMBING

Posted by CrazyRedders on February 21, 2017 with 3 Comments

So I was really bored the other night. When I’m bored, my mind tends to wonder. It wonders way off into my own little world, where I think of fun and crazy things I can do. So anyways, My hubby just got in the shower and I was in the living room, relaxing in the recliner, being bored and minding my own business. Then BA BAM, it hit me! The urge to flour bomb my husband just came to me. This just felt so right! I had to do this! I was definitely overwhelmed with excitement.

Okay so after preparing my enormous bowl of flour, I headed to the bathroom. Before entering the bathroom, I could hear the amazing vocals of my husband. He was probably singing to the left testicle again lol. Hopefully he doesn’t leave the right one out this time lol

So anyways, I open the door and walk in. His singing stops immediately. “What do you want woman?” I just have to grab something honey. After I said that, he continued on with his shower without another peep. I figured if I was going to make my move, it had to be now. I was on a flour bombing mission, and I was determined not to fail.

I walked up to the shower, and raised the flour bowl high above the shower curtain, and dumped it in. Then I ran like hell. I heard a lot of cussing, but I kept on running lol. I just flour bombed my husband, there was no time to be slow. I really had to haul ass here lol. I was not going to stick around to see how angry he was. I ran, grabbed the car keys, and decided to go to the store. Some grocery shopping was definitely in order.

About 45 minutes later, I arrived back home. I walked in the door, and there he was, sitting on the couch, looking sexy and pissed as ever. After taking a puff of his cigarette, and a swig of his bear, he looked at me and said “paybacks are a bitch”. I’m so sorry honey, I was just really bored and the idea just popped into my head. “Do you know how long it took me to get the flour out of my eyeball?” Which eyeball I asked? Boy if looks could kill lol. Does it matter woman. No honey, I’m so sorry. I promise to never flour bomb you again. Oh this isn’t over, I’m going to get you back. I love that my husband has such a good sense of humor. He is definitely perfect for me 🙂

So have you ever floured bombed your better half before? How did he or she react? If you’re bored, it’s definitely a fun prank to try lol.

HEY SEXY

Posted by CrazyRedders on July 16, 2015 with 2 Comments

11143316_986961141337555_6744275803517365973_nAbout a few days ago, I was bored and feeling kinda frisky and decided I would try a pickup line on my hubby, to see if it would work on him.  Not that I really needed to, seeing that I already got the man.  However it’s still something fun to try, especially if your bored.  The things I do to keep myself occupied lol.

Well anyways, after getting myself all prettied up, I walked over to where he was standing in the living room and said, “Hey sexy, What you doing?”

In his most funny sarcastic voice he said, I’m scratching my nuts, what does it look like I’m doing?

I looked at him and said, I don’t know, I thought maybe you were just choking your chicken or something.  He started laughing so hard, I thought he was going to pee himself.  Good thing he has a strong bladder, because I don’t need no more laundry lol  After the laughing subsided, he then said what do you want honey?

I thought to myself, okay I’m ready for this.   Yeah I’m freaking ready for this.  I practiced my pickup line all day, I got all prettied up, and I lit the honeydew candle on the coffee table.  It’s now or never.  Lets do this!  Snapshot_20150715_6

I walked over and got close to him.  You know, real close.  And then I started rubbing my hands on his chest karate kid style (wax on wax off)  and said “honey I was thinking, I really need to get a library card.

He laughed a little and said where did that come from?  And why do you need a library card?  You got a freaking kindle woman, and I’m pretty sure that the library doesn’t have your vampire porn books you like reading.

I looked at him and said, because I’m checking you out.  After laughing some more, he gave me a hug and kiss and said, woman you already got me, you don’t have to try and pick me up.  But I have to say that was a good one though.

I know, but I was bored and wanted to see your reaction lol.

He then said, why don’t you go and make us some popcorn, and I’ll put a movie on.   As soon as I started heading to the kitchen, he yelled out “hey honey”.  I turned around and said yeah.  He yelled back and said, do you have a porch with that swing?  I just laughed and walked away.  He’s too funny.  We were definitely made for each other lol

 

 

So what did you think about this story?  Have you ever used a pickup line on your significant other?  Comment below, I would like to hear all about it 🙂

REDNECK FROM THE ROCKS

Posted by CrazyRedders on February 23, 2015 with No Comments

I have been through a lot in my past, but I wouldn’t change one bit of it. My past has made me the person I am today. I am proud of how my life has turned out and I’m proud of the person I have become. In honor of my past, I prepared a speech. […]

A BAD TASTE IN MY MOUTH

Posted by CrazyRedders on February 4, 2015 with No Comments

I wasn’t even going to post this story, but husband said that it would be horrible not to share this with the whole world.  He said it’s a must read lol  This story takes place a few or more years ago.   So here it is.  It was 5am and my alarm was ringing.  After […]

I LOVE MADEA

Posted by CrazyRedders on February 2, 2015 with No Comments

Here is a video of my friends and I, having a ladies night out without the men.  Sometimes you just gotta have some fun with your girls 🙂    

I WAS A BEAST

Posted by CrazyRedders on January 28, 2015 with No Comments

I can’t remember exactly how we got on this subject, but my husband last night was talking about how he wasn’t in his prime anymore. Which was a known fact already, but anyways.  Then he started to tell me how he use to be when he was younger.  I knew this was going to be […]

GONE WITH THE WIND

Posted by CrazyRedders on January 23, 2015 with No Comments

This story is about a miniature Eskimo Spitz dog named kitty.  That’s right the dogs name was kitty lol.  She was my grandmothers dog.  My gram chose the name kitty because she always wanted a cat too, and she knew she couldn’t get another animal other than this dog, so she named it kitty.  This […]

OPERATION POKE AND HOPE

Posted by CrazyRedders on January 21, 2015 with 1 Comment

Lets talk about sex and baby making.  I personally like to call it Operation Poke and Hope, (he pokes and she hopes).  Baby making (OPH) sucks the life and fun right out couples.  I’m here to tell you that you can change this.  Baby making can be fun, hot, sexy, steamy, and spontaneous, and lets […]

SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT

Posted by CrazyRedders on January 17, 2015 with 1 Comment

So my husband and I went to the bar the other night.  It was so nice to finally get to go out for a change instead of being stuck in the house.  We sat at the bar and ordered our drinks.  Normally I always order a pop, anybody who knows me, knows that I don’t […]

Flying Suppositories

Posted by CrazyRedders on June 19, 2014 with 2 Comments

Had a crazy dream last night lol.  I dreamt that the whole world was under attack by flying suppositories, and my ass was the number one target.   And I was running for my life and trying to find shelter somewhere.   Maybe it’s a sign I have to poop lol What do you think about […]