It was just like any other night for me. You know another night full of craziness. I swear anything is possible when it comes to my life lol. Well anyways……
It was around 11:30’ish on new years eve. Not to long before the ball was suppose to drop. I was driving home after spending some time with some good friends. I was on this long stretch of road that didn’t have any places you could stop in case of an emergency. With my luck, this happens all the time. As I was driving, everything was great! I was cruising down the road, singing to a really good song by Whitney Houston. I was in my own little driving world, really hitting them high notes. You know, giving it my all, like I normally do. Then out of nowhere BA BAM, it hit me. There was no time to think, rationalize, or concentrate. I went from cruising and singing my heart out to trying my hardest to not shit myself. The feeling just came out of nowhere. Imagine having to clinch your butt cheeks and drive in straight line on the road all the while trying to find a place to stop, because you know if you don’t stop soon, there will be an explosion.
By now it was almost time for the ball to drop, and my ass was running out of time. Then suddenly I found a place to pull over at. There wasn’t much at all to choose from, on the road that I was on and beggars can’t be choosers. I pulled over into an adult book store. You know, the store that sells naughty things. I pulled right in, didn’t even park straight. In fact, I remember driving over a big branch, but I didn’t even care in that moment. Finding a place to poop was my only mission. The feeling was so bad now, that I knew I wouldn’t be able to make into the building to ask if I could use the bathroom. I would have to do some type of shuffle dance if I tried. Try walking while having to clinch the butt cheeks. I assure you the struggle is real. I’ve had to do the shuffle before. I’m not trying to brag, but it takes real talent to do that. You have to be very careful with every movement. One wrong move, and that’s it.
So without thinking straight, I did a quick look around to make sure no one was looking and jumped out of the car and dropped my pants, squatted and blew it up. At this moment I didn’t even care who saw me. I’m not sure but I guess the ball dropped at some point while I was blowing up the parking lot of the adult book store. Apparently I like to bring the new year in with a bang. Go big or go home right. After I was finished, there was nothing to wipe with, so I just pulled up my pants, jumped in my car and drove straight home. There was no time to waist. I didn’t want to get into trouble with the law. I’m sure there are some laws against sudden poop explosion in a public parking lot. So there you have it. I had sudden poop explosion at the adult book store. I’m not proud of myself, but when you got to go, you just got to go. When your stuck in a this type of
situation, you can’t hold back. If I would of held back, I would have had an explosion in my car. I had to think of my interior. So this is why, I made the sudden decision to pull over in that parking lot and be one with nature. Having to poop, makes you do crazy things.
Later that morning I checked the news right away. I thought for sure I was going to be on camera pooping in a public place. I thought I was going to be on that “have you seen this person” list. But thankfully there was nothing on the news about it.
Update on my car: From driving over that branch, I messed up my exhaust. But thank goodness the hubby can fix cars.