It was just like any other night for me. You know another night full of craziness. I swear anything is possible when it comes to my life lol. Well anyways……
It was around 11:30’ish on new years eve. Not to long before the ball was suppose to drop. I was driving home after spending some time with some good friends. I was on this long stretch of road that didn’t have any places you could stop in case of an emergency. With my luck, this happens all the time. As I was driving, everything was great! I was cruising down the road, singing to a really good song by Whitney Houston. I was in my own little driving world, really hitting them high notes. You know, giving it my all, like I normally do. Then out of nowhere BA BAM, it hit me. There was no time to think, rationalize, or concentrate. I went from cruising and singing my heart out to trying my hardest to not shit myself. The feeling just came out of nowhere. Imagine having to clinch your butt cheeks and drive in straight line on the road all the while trying to find a place to stop, because you know if you don’t stop soon, there will be an explosion.
By now it was almost time for the ball to drop, and my ass was running out of time. Then suddenly I found a place to pull over at. There wasn’t much at all to choose from, on the road that I was on and beggars can’t be choosers. I pulled over into an adult book store. You know, the store that sells naughty things. I pulled right in, didn’t even park straight. In fact, I remember driving over a big branch, but I didn’t even care in that moment. Finding a place to poop was my only mission. The feeling was so bad now, that I knew I wouldn’t be able to make into the building to ask if I could use the bathroom. I would have to do some type of shuffle dance if I tried. Try walking while having to clinch the butt cheeks. I assure you the struggle is real. I’ve had to do the shuffle before. I’m not trying to brag, but it takes real talent to do that. You have to be very careful with every movement. One wrong move, and that’s it.
So without thinking straight, I did a quick look around to make sure no one was looking and jumped out of the car and dropped my pants, squatted and blew it up. At this moment I didn’t even care who saw me. I’m not sure but I guess the ball dropped at some point while I was blowing up the parking lot of the adult book store. Apparently I like to bring the new year in with a bang. Go big or go home right. After I was finished, there was nothing to wipe with, so I just pulled up my pants, jumped in my car and drove straight home. There was no time to waist. I didn’t want to get into trouble with the law. I’m sure there are some laws against sudden poop explosion in a public parking lot. So there you have it. I had sudden poop explosion at the adult book store. I’m not proud of myself, but when you got to go, you just got to go. When your stuck in a this type of
situation, you can’t hold back. If I would of held back, I would have had an explosion in my car. I had to think of my interior. So this is why, I made the sudden decision to pull over in that parking lot and be one with nature. Having to poop, makes you do crazy things.
Later that morning I checked the news right away. I thought for sure I was going to be on camera pooping in a public place. I thought I was going to be on that “have you seen this person” list. But thankfully there was nothing on the news about it.
Update on my car: From driving over that branch, I messed up my exhaust. But thank goodness the hubby can fix cars.
So lets get straight to the point. My husband and I are always arguing over toilet paper. Yep you heard me right. We argue over toilet paper lol. He likes soft toilet paper, because he doesn’t want to wipe with something that feels like sand paper. Well I prefer the sand paper. I don’t need something that makes me feel like I’m high up in the clouds in magical ultra soft land, with dancing fairies and unicorns. My hubby on the other hand, prefers the fairies and the unicorns. All I need is my bathroom that was built in 1934 and my rough sand paper. So I’m sure we are not the only couple out there that have toilet paper differences. So tell me everyone, do you prefer Soft or Hard??? Do you prefer to be in magical ultra soft land or wiping with sand paper??? It will be interesting to see all your comments.
Please feel free to share with all your friends and family 🙂
So today after showering and dressing, I went up to the bathroom mirror to start applying my makeup.
-Eye Liner check
Wait where’s my lipstick? It was nowhere in sight. I searched and then searched some more, but I came up with nothing. So then the real investigation started. Yep that’s right, in exactly 2.5 seconds, this ginger went from happy house wife to CSI investigator. And the hubby was first on the list to be interrogated. Hey I know what’s up. I watch ID (investigation Discovery), and the spouse is always to blame first lol.
So I approached the hubby and asked, So honey where’s my lipstick at? Have you seen it? What’s your alibi? ect. He looked at me and threw his arms up and said, here we go again. No woman, how many times do I have to tell you, I did not take you lip stuff.
Honey don’t mess with me. Do you know how hard it is to find lip stick to go with my fair skin tone?
He looked at me with a smile on his face and said, it can’t be that hard honey. It’s called whiteout, you can find it at all your local stores.
He’s too much lol I was a little upset, but at the same time I have to admit, that was a good one lol. I don’t know where he comes up with this stuff. When it comes to relationships, I have learned that you got to joke and laugh with one another. You can’t always be serious. I’m still determined though to find that lipstick. I guess the investigation still goes on lol.
Let me just get right to the point. I was sitting in the living room with my hubby. It was just another normal day. He was watching tv and I was reading more of my vampire porn. As i was really getting into my book, he yells out “oh shit”, be back honey, gotta poop. In a blink of an eye, he was gone. He must’ve really had to go. Anyways about 25-30 minutes later, he walks back into the living room rubbing his stomach. Are you ok honey? Ya I’m ok. But My god that was a child birth. Yep that’s my hubby for ya lol. He cracks me up.
A Couple nights ago, the hubby just got home from work and suddenly I felt the need to play some music. Imagine that lol. Anyone who knows me, knows I always have the need to jam to music and hit them high notes. And it drives my hubby crazy lol. With that being said I decided to take it back, back to the 80’s. I absolutely love the 80’s! Anyways, after listening and jamming to (nothings gonna stop us now by Starship) and (is this love by Whitesnake) and then giving it all I got and really hitting them high notes to ( How will I know by Whitney Houston), Bette Davis Eyes by Kim Carnes came on. At that moment I was long gone, in my own little world. I was one with the music, and had no control over my body or voice anymore. The 80’s just do something to me, I just can’t explain it. As I continued to sing and jam, I suddenly snapped out of my 80’s trance. What made me snap out of it you ask? Well I’ll tell you. While I was down on both knees with both arms spread out, raised above my shoulders, really giving it my all to Bette Davis Eyes. You know really going for it, really hitting them high notes. I felt like I was Mariah Carey on stage, in front of millions of people. And I was just giving the people what they wanted. It was a wonderful feeling. Then out of nowhere, BAM , I heard the hubby singing out loud, also hitting the high notes. Normally he is telling me to shut the hell up, because my singing drives him nuts. But no, instead he’s trying to steal my thunder. He ruined my whole performance. Now it was on, on like Donkey Kong. I could hear him singing, but he was nowhere in sight. After telling my imaginary band to take 10, I decided to let his singing guide me. I followed the singing all the way to the bathroom door. With one quick movement, I swung the bathroom door open and stepped inside. Nothing could of prepared me for what I walked into. He was also putting on a performance of his own, while taking a pee. While standing over the toilet, with his prize possession aiming perfectly without any help from the hands, my husband had his head back with his arms spread wide, singing Bette Davis Eyes. Yep, talent at it’s finest! Honey what are you doing? What does it look like I’m doing woman? I just looked at him and said, well if I had to guess, I’d probably say you were trying to steal my thunder. You know, try to take the spotlight for yourself. Believe me women, I wasn’t trying to take your spotlight. I was singing to my left testicle. Really! Where was righty in all this? Why was lefty the only one to get a solo performance from you? Well I’m left handed, so I always gear towards the left. Do you have a problem with my performance honey? Putting aside the fact that you interrupted my performance, I thought your performance was great. It’s not everyday you see someone singing to their left testicle. In fact, I would even consider working with you in the future. We would make a great team! If we would put both of our performances together, we would be a sold out concert. Woman you are crazy, but that’s why I love you 🙂 I do have a suggestion though. And what is that, he asked? Well for your future performances, you should look at your testicles as a math problem. What you do to one side, you should always do to the other. It’s not right to pick favorites. Just saying. Noted, now can I finish peeing in peace. Okay, but keep it down, I got my own performance going on out here. I gotta give the people what they want again, and I can’t have any distractions. Okay honey, go give the people what they want and leave me the hell alone. Little privacy please.
It’s moments like these, that I’m reminded how much of an inspiration my hubby is in my life. Whether it’s singing, dancing, loving, parenting, ect, we make the perfect team.
So you all might have gathered from my previous blog posts, is that my husband plays a big role on my blog. Most of the stories involves him. He is definitely my biggest inspiration. Words can’t even describe how wonderful it is to be able to find that one special someone that completes you. We’ve made so many good memories together. And most of those memories turned into some really good messed up content. So here’s to my sexy husband. And here’s to many more memories. We make one hell of a team!
So without further ado, lets get to some more of that messed up content.
I don’t know if any of you out there have ever had to poop by candlelight, but my husband has, and I can assure you that the struggle is real.
Evening had already set in a couple hours before I arrived home. I was gone most of the day running errands. As soon as I walked in the door, our daughter runs up to me and says “I’m so happy your home.”
Her: Because I’ve had to listen to daddy complain for the past hour.
Me: About what?
And before she could say anything else, my loving, caring and understanding husband walks in the room with this look of frustration on his face.
Me: Hi honey
Him: Don’t hi honey me. Where’s the light bulbs ? Didn’t you buy some the other day when you went grocery shopping?
Me: No, I forgot to. You should of put it on the list.
Him: I did
Me: are you sure?
Him: Oh I’m sure
Me: Well I must have been skimming that day. Sometimes when I’m in a hurry, I skim through the list. So I must’ve skimmed right past it.
Him: Skimmed? Really you just skimmed right past it. Do you know what I went through woman?
Me: No but I’m sure your going to tell me. What’s Your major malfunction anyways? I honestly can’t see you suffering that bad without light bulbs. I mean come on, you don’t even like the light anyways. Your always complaining when I leave lights on. Your definitely a dark kinda of guy. So quit lying to yourself and just accept it and move on. So come on tell me. What did Mr. Dark need light for?
On that note our daughter went upstairs because she couldn’t hold her laugh in anymore. It was getting tough for me also lol
Him: For the f%@!%#@ bathroom
Me: What you can’t find the hole on your own? You need a light shining down to show you the way.
Him: Listen here smart@#%, I have no problems finding it and yeah I do complain about lights always being on.. They don’t always have to be on, except for when I have to take a poop. I want light for pooping. For some odd reason you like to turn on all the lights in this house. And that’s probably why they’re always blowing.
Me: From what I can see , You’re blessed.
Him: Blessed, Yeah I’m real f%@!%#@ blessed.
Me: You are! You had a small light guiding your way and lucky for you I didn’t skim past the toilet paper. So Why are you complaining?
Him: You try pooping by candlelight. It’s not easy.
Me: Okay Honey, I can see that this has really upset you. I promise, first thing in the morning, I will go out and buy some. I love you!
Him: Uh ha
Me: come on lets decide what we want to do for dinner.
Him: we can’t because the light blew in the kitchen too.
After he said that, I picked up my purse and headed to the door. I told him I’ll be back. I’m going to buy light bulbs.
It was either I go to the store, or stay home and deal with another possible traumatic experience. I didn’t want to take the chance lol
So have any of you, or your better half gone through a traumatic experience like this before? Would love to hear all about it.
What’s up my crazyredder fans? I know I haven’t posted anything on my crazyredders website for a year now, and i’m truly sorry. I got really sick and had to see a lot of doctors. but I’m happy to say that I’m feeling much better now. And i’m on my way to good health again. Thank you to all of you for your patience and understanding. I can finally get back to what I love doing. Tomorrow I will be posting my new blog post here on my crazyredders website at http://www.crazyredders.com. You won’t want to miss this one. It’s called pooping by candlelight. So come subscribe and happy reading 🙂 Thank you for the support.
About a few days ago, I was bored and feeling kinda frisky and decided I would try a pickup line on my hubby, to see if it would work on him. Not that I really needed to, seeing that I already got the man. However it’s still something fun to try, especially if your bored. The things I do to keep myself occupied lol.
Well anyways, after getting myself all prettied up, I walked over to where he was standing in the living room and said, “Hey sexy, What you doing?”
In his most funny sarcastic voice he said, I’m scratching my nuts, what does it look like I’m doing?
I looked at him and said, I don’t know, I thought maybe you were just choking your chicken or something. He started laughing so hard, I thought he was going to pee himself. Good thing he has a strong bladder, because I don’t need no more laundry lol After the laughing subsided, he then said what do you want honey?
I thought to myself, okay I’m ready for this. Yeah I’m freaking ready for this. I practiced my pickup line all day, I got all prettied up, and I lit the honeydew candle on the coffee table. It’s now or never. Lets do this!
I walked over and got close to him. You know, real close. And then I started rubbing my hands on his chest karate kid style (wax on wax off) and said “honey I was thinking, I really need to get a library card.
He laughed a little and said where did that come from? And why do you need a library card? You got a freaking kindle woman, and I’m pretty sure that the library doesn’t have your vampire porn books you like reading.
I looked at him and said, because I’m checking you out. After laughing some more, he gave me a hug and kiss and said, woman you already got me, you don’t have to try and pick me up. But I have to say that was a good one though.
I know, but I was bored and wanted to see your reaction lol.
He then said, why don’t you go and make us some popcorn, and I’ll put a movie on. As soon as I started heading to the kitchen, he yelled out “hey honey”. I turned around and said yeah. He yelled back and said, do you have a porch with that swing? I just laughed and walked away. He’s too funny. We were definitely made for each other lol
So what did you think about this story? Have you ever used a pickup line on your significant other? Comment below, I would like to hear all about it 🙂
I drove down to one of the local stores in my town, to get a few items for the house. As soon as I walked into the store, right away the cashier stopped talking to the young girl he was talking too and looked at me and said “Welcome to the ________ _________.” The first thing that came to mind, was to say thank you. So I told him thank you. I wasn’t sure whether it was the right thing to say or not, because I was really tired lol. But I do know this, the simple thank you that I said back to him, was good manners.
After I said thank you, I walked away to start my shopping and the cashier and the girl continued to talk again. They were talking so loud, I could here them complaining about how I only said thank you. I mean what was I supposed to say? At the time, I thought a thank you was sufficient enough. I guess not at this store. Apparently it is frowned upon in this establishment lol It’s not like I was dating someone for a long time and they said I love you to me, and I all I said was thank you back. I was shopping for household items for crying out loud.
So tell me what you all think, and if you would of said or did something differently. I am very interested in hearing everyone’s views on this. Please feel free share with all your friends. I would love to hear from all you 🙂