To commit or not to commit, is the question? This is a subject that hits too close to home for me. And I’m sure for a lot of you out there as well. Back in the day, I could care less about commitment. I was young and having fun lol. As I got older, I longed for something more. A true commitment. I was definitely ready to settle down.
It took my hubby 7 years to get off the pot and propose. Don’t get me wrong, he was definitely worth the wait. But come on, 7 years. Really!! That pot must’ve been really comfortable lol. Maybe it was one of those pots that warmed the tooshie. Who knows. Well anyways, During those first 7 years of utter bliss , I ranked pretty low. That’s right my relationship was at a lease status. Allow me to explain. When you’re in a lease status, this means you can test the waters until it’s time to renew. Then you can either renew the lease or move on.
Now I’m not just talking about men here. Woman have commitment issues as well. But everyone has commitment issues for different reasons.
Now lets talk about a when one ranks in a timeshare status. Timeshare status meaning, you have been in it forever, but have never gotten anything out of it. I know a few people who rank in this status. To make it to this incredible status, You know what you have to do. Yep you guessed it, keep renewing that amazing lease. But remember you got to be really good at sealing the deal to keep that lease going. You better be offering something good to keep the other person coming back for more, Or you’ll never make it to that timeshare status.
Once you’ve made it to your 10th year of your lease, you can take a deep breath and relax, the hard part is over, you have now made it to a timeshare status. Yay! But who would of thought that moving up in rank from a lease to a timeshare would feel like you were at the lowest status possible. How can moving up make you feel so low? I mean moving up in rank should make you feel happy right? It would if you were actually moving up. A timeshare may come after a lease, but you’re actually taking a step back. This is a tough status to rank at. More than likely this is not the status you were hoping for.
Now I know they say “good things come to those who wait”. But how long are we talking about here? How long is too long to wait for a true commitment? Should we have to wait until our first wrinkle comes into view, or when our boobs and balls start to sag. I mean come on people, shouldn’t there be a cutoff limit to how long someone actually should wait for the opposing idiot to decide if you’re worthy or not. I guess the real question is, is this idiot worthy of you? Only you can decide if he or she is worth the wait. My sexy idiot was definitely worth the wait. I like how Beyonce put it “If you liked it, then you should of put a RING on it”. Every relationship is different. And not everyone is going to want to wait years for a true commitment, especially if you’re not worth the wait. So what I’m trying to say is “Shit or get off the pot”.
If you’re lucky enough, one day, and I hope one day this happens for you all, you can make it smack down in the middle of the lease and the timeshare with a mortgage. That’s right, you can get that shit in writing. A true commitment! I was beyond thrilled to make it to a mortgage status. I got to walk down the aisle before things started to sag. Oh and I got to marry the love of my life.
Now maybe you and your significant other are happy at your current rank. As long as your happy that’s all that matters. But always know your worth and never wait for someone who is not worth waiting for. Remember, you deserve to be happy:)
So what’s your rank? Are you happy with your current rank?
So lets talk about them Steroids. I have a love hate relationship with prednisone. Anyone who has taken this medicine before, knows first hand about what it does to you. And I’m not going to lie, this medicine F’s you up. But it also is a big help. So I’m here to tell you about the 7 dwarfs of prednisone.
1.) Your face goes from looking like a slice of pizza to looking like the whole damn pizza . (MOON FACE) It’s not pretty site, I assure you. There was people that I have known for a long time, that didn’t even recognize me anymore. Hell I didn’t even recognize myself. After few weeks on the prednisone, I guess you could say I was a whole new person lol
2.)Your mood changes drastically. It’s a little thing called ROID RAGE. All my life, I have always been a happy, positive, sweet, compassionate, people loving person. Once the steroids got me, yep that was all over. I was growling at my husband, cussing out the machine at the self checkout at a grocery store, I got smart with the manager at a restaurant for discontinuing one of my favorite meals. This medicine made me crazy, mean. It’s like I grew a set of nuts over night, And I felt like I could take on the whole world.
3.) So then there’s the BUFFALO HUMP. Yep That’s right, You get a Hump on the back of your neck. And not a little hump either. This one is quite noticeable. In fact if it got any bigger, it would connect to your back, And it would look like you were the hunchback of notre dame.
4.) Lets get to the FOOD CRAVINGS. Everyone’s experience is different when taking this medication. For me, I wanted to eat everything in site. I was hungry 24/7. And if I didn’t get food, lets just say I wasn’t too happy.
5.) Then you know with all those food cravings, The weight just piles on you. From my experience and the experience of other people I know, who have taken this medicine, it doesn’t matter if you eat or not. You will BLOW up. Eating a lot really doesn’t help though. You have no self control on this medicine. I gained a whopping 50 pounds in 3 months. You could just imagine the stretch marks I got. It looked like FREDDY GOT ME.
6.) Ever have trouble sleeping (INSOMNIA)? Well if you take prednisone, you have a real good chance of not being able to sleep. I have always been a good sleeper. My dosage was so high with the steroids that I hardly got any sleep. I had so much energy. My doctors gave me sleeping a pill, which was bad for me. It’s not good to give a sleep walker sleeping pills. It worked on me, I was able to sleep. It worked so well that I was sleep walking and eating out of the garbage, per my husband.
7.) Then there’s all the possible HEALTH RISKS associated with taking this medicine for a long period of time. Just to name a few, there’s steroids induced diabetes, liver issues, eye problems, thinning of the bones leading to osteoporosis, and many more possible health risks. When I started to taking prednisone, it was to help one problem. It definitely helped my problem, but also gave me a ton more problems. I was on high doses of steroids for a little over a year, so you can just imagine the problems I got from this medicine.
So there you have it, the 7 dwarfs of prednisone. Now I know there’s more than just 7, but today I’m just listing what I think are the top 7. I guess when it comes to prednisone, you have to take the good with the bad. I’m still recovering from the effects of prednisone.
So have any of you ever took steroids before, and experienced the same problems that I have? I want to hear your story.
One thing you will learn about me, is that I’m really honest and not shy. I will share all the crazy, gruesome details and will never hold back. I also promise 100% full disclosure to all my fans. Besides nobody’s perfect. And I will never pretend to be perfect. I love the person that I’ve become.
I love talking about poop explosions, the pink and blue balls, deodorant, brushing with balmex, how rough toilet paper is so much better than the soft, penis injuries and flying suppositories and much more.
I will also always stand up for what I believe in. As you all may know, I’m a proud supporter of trying to rid the world of chapped genitals, my husband singing to his testicles, filling up past the over flow. And I’m really passionate about raising awareness about those fleas that cause penis injuries. Straight up people, protect what’s yours, and watch out for them fleas. I know first hand what could happen. Just ask my hubby. He’s still traumatized, and I’m still providing emotional support.
My hobbies consist of Driving my husband crazy, singing karaoke, farming on face book, reading, bowling, dancing ( I love doing the running man and moon walking), gardening, And most importantly writing.
I’m also a proud mom of a beautiful daughter, and fur mom to 3 dogs and 1 rabbit. I’m also a proud wife to one hell of a sexy beast. Life is good!
Bottom line, Just be you J Don’t ever let anyone ever bring you down. You are all special in your own way. There is never any judgment here at Crazyredders. I love all of you.
Tell me what you’re proud of? What are you passionate about? And what do you love the most? And if you have any questions for me, feel free to ask anything.
It was just like any other night for me. You know another night full of craziness. I swear anything is possible when it comes to my life lol. Well anyways……
It was around 11:30’ish on new years eve. Not to long before the ball was suppose to drop. I was driving home after spending some time with some good friends. I was on this long stretch of road that didn’t have any places you could stop in case of an emergency. With my luck, this happens all the time. As I was driving, everything was great! I was cruising down the road, singing to a really good song by Whitney Houston. I was in my own little driving world, really hitting them high notes. You know, giving it my all, like I normally do. Then out of nowhere BA BAM, it hit me. There was no time to think, rationalize, or concentrate. I went from cruising and singing my heart out to trying my hardest to not shit myself. The feeling just came out of nowhere. Imagine having to clinch your butt cheeks and drive in straight line on the road all the while trying to find a place to stop, because you know if you don’t stop soon, there will be an explosion.
By now it was almost time for the ball to drop, and my ass was running out of time. Then suddenly I found a place to pull over at. There wasn’t much at all to choose from, on the road that I was on and beggars can’t be choosers. I pulled over into an adult book store. You know, the store that sells naughty things. I pulled right in, didn’t even park straight. In fact, I remember driving over a big branch, but I didn’t even care in that moment. Finding a place to poop was my only mission. The feeling was so bad now, that I knew I wouldn’t be able to make into the building to ask if I could use the bathroom. I would have to do some type of shuffle dance if I tried. Try walking while having to clinch the butt cheeks. I assure you the struggle is real. I’ve had to do the shuffle before. I’m not trying to brag, but it takes real talent to do that. You have to be very careful with every movement. One wrong move, and that’s it.
So without thinking straight, I did a quick look around to make sure no one was looking and jumped out of the car and dropped my pants, squatted and blew it up. At this moment I didn’t even care who saw me. I’m not sure but I guess the ball dropped at some point while I was blowing up the parking lot of the adult book store. Apparently I like to bring the new year in with a bang. Go big or go home right. After I was finished, there was nothing to wipe with, so I just pulled up my pants, jumped in my car and drove straight home. There was no time to waist. I didn’t want to get into trouble with the law. I’m sure there are some laws against sudden poop explosion in a public parking lot. So there you have it. I had sudden poop explosion at the adult book store. I’m not proud of myself, but when you got to go, you just got to go. When your stuck in a this type of
situation, you can’t hold back. If I would of held back, I would have had an explosion in my car. I had to think of my interior. So this is why, I made the sudden decision to pull over in that parking lot and be one with nature. Having to poop, makes you do crazy things.
Later that morning I checked the news right away. I thought for sure I was going to be on camera pooping in a public place. I thought I was going to be on that “have you seen this person” list. But thankfully there was nothing on the news about it.
Update on my car: From driving over that branch, I messed up my exhaust. But thank goodness the hubby can fix cars.
So lets get straight to the point. My husband and I are always arguing over toilet paper. Yep you heard me right. We argue over toilet paper lol. He likes soft toilet paper, because he doesn’t want to wipe with something that feels like sand paper. Well I prefer the sand paper. I don’t need something that makes me feel like I’m high up in the clouds in magical ultra soft land, with dancing fairies and unicorns. My hubby on the other hand, prefers the fairies and the unicorns. All I need is my bathroom that was built in 1934 and my rough sand paper. So I’m sure we are not the only couple out there that have toilet paper differences. So tell me everyone, do you prefer Soft or Hard??? Do you prefer to be in magical ultra soft land or wiping with sand paper??? It will be interesting to see all your comments.
Please feel free to share with all your friends and family 🙂
So today after showering and dressing, I went up to the bathroom mirror to start applying my makeup.
-Eye Liner check
Wait where’s my lipstick? It was nowhere in sight. I searched and then searched some more, but I came up with nothing. So then the real investigation started. Yep that’s right, in exactly 2.5 seconds, this ginger went from happy house wife to CSI investigator. And the hubby was first on the list to be interrogated. Hey I know what’s up. I watch ID (investigation Discovery), and the spouse is always to blame first lol.
So I approached the hubby and asked, So honey where’s my lipstick at? Have you seen it? What’s your alibi? ect. He looked at me and threw his arms up and said, here we go again. No woman, how many times do I have to tell you, I did not take you lip stuff.
Honey don’t mess with me. Do you know how hard it is to find lip stick to go with my fair skin tone?
He looked at me with a smile on his face and said, it can’t be that hard honey. It’s called whiteout, you can find it at all your local stores.
He’s too much lol I was a little upset, but at the same time I have to admit, that was a good one lol. I don’t know where he comes up with this stuff. When it comes to relationships, I have learned that you got to joke and laugh with one another. You can’t always be serious. I’m still determined though to find that lipstick. I guess the investigation still goes on lol.
Let me just get right to the point. I was sitting in the living room with my hubby. It was just another normal day. He was watching tv and I was reading more of my vampire porn. As i was really getting into my book, he yells out “oh shit”, be back honey, gotta poop. In a blink of an eye, he was gone. He must’ve really had to go. Anyways about 25-30 minutes later, he walks back into the living room rubbing his stomach. Are you ok honey? Ya I’m ok. But My god that was a child birth. Yep that’s my hubby for ya lol. He cracks me up.
A Couple nights ago, the hubby just got home from work and suddenly I felt the need to play some music. Imagine that lol. Anyone who knows me, knows I always have the need to jam to music and hit them high notes. And it drives my hubby crazy lol. With that being said I decided to take it back, back to the 80’s. I absolutely love the 80’s! Anyways, after listening and jamming to (nothings gonna stop us now by Starship) and (is this love by Whitesnake) and then giving it all I got and really hitting them high notes to ( How will I know by Whitney Houston), Bette Davis Eyes by Kim Carnes came on. At that moment I was long gone, in my own little world. I was one with the music, and had no control over my body or voice anymore. The 80’s just do something to me, I just can’t explain it. As I continued to sing and jam, I suddenly snapped out of my 80’s trance. What made me snap out of it you ask? Well I’ll tell you. While I was down on both knees with both arms spread out, raised above my shoulders, really giving it my all to Bette Davis Eyes. You know really going for it, really hitting them high notes. I felt like I was Mariah Carey on stage, in front of millions of people. And I was just giving the people what they wanted. It was a wonderful feeling. Then out of nowhere, BAM , I heard the hubby singing out loud, also hitting the high notes. Normally he is telling me to shut the hell up, because my singing drives him nuts. But no, instead he’s trying to steal my thunder. He ruined my whole performance. Now it was on, on like Donkey Kong. I could hear him singing, but he was nowhere in sight. After telling my imaginary band to take 10, I decided to let his singing guide me. I followed the singing all the way to the bathroom door. With one quick movement, I swung the bathroom door open and stepped inside. Nothing could of prepared me for what I walked into. He was also putting on a performance of his own, while taking a pee. While standing over the toilet, with his prize possession aiming perfectly without any help from the hands, my husband had his head back with his arms spread wide, singing Bette Davis Eyes. Yep, talent at it’s finest! Honey what are you doing? What does it look like I’m doing woman? I just looked at him and said, well if I had to guess, I’d probably say you were trying to steal my thunder. You know, try to take the spotlight for yourself. Believe me women, I wasn’t trying to take your spotlight. I was singing to my left testicle. Really! Where was righty in all this? Why was lefty the only one to get a solo performance from you? Well I’m left handed, so I always gear towards the left. Do you have a problem with my performance honey? Putting aside the fact that you interrupted my performance, I thought your performance was great. It’s not everyday you see someone singing to their left testicle. In fact, I would even consider working with you in the future. We would make a great team! If we would put both of our performances together, we would be a sold out concert. Woman you are crazy, but that’s why I love you 🙂 I do have a suggestion though. And what is that, he asked? Well for your future performances, you should look at your testicles as a math problem. What you do to one side, you should always do to the other. It’s not right to pick favorites. Just saying. Noted, now can I finish peeing in peace. Okay, but keep it down, I got my own performance going on out here. I gotta give the people what they want again, and I can’t have any distractions. Okay honey, go give the people what they want and leave me the hell alone. Little privacy please.
It’s moments like these, that I’m reminded how much of an inspiration my hubby is in my life. Whether it’s singing, dancing, loving, parenting, ect, we make the perfect team.
So you all might have gathered from my previous blog posts, is that my husband plays a big role on my blog. Most of the stories involves him. He is definitely my biggest inspiration. Words can’t even describe how wonderful it is to be able to find that one special someone that completes you. We’ve made so many good memories together. And most of those memories turned into some really good messed up content. So here’s to my sexy husband. And here’s to many more memories. We make one hell of a team!
So without further ado, lets get to some more of that messed up content.
I don’t know if any of you out there have ever had to poop by candlelight, but my husband has, and I can assure you that the struggle is real.
Evening had already set in a couple hours before I arrived home. I was gone most of the day running errands. As soon as I walked in the door, our daughter runs up to me and says “I’m so happy your home.”
Her: Because I’ve had to listen to daddy complain for the past hour.
Me: About what?
And before she could say anything else, my loving, caring and understanding husband walks in the room with this look of frustration on his face.
Me: Hi honey
Him: Don’t hi honey me. Where’s the light bulbs ? Didn’t you buy some the other day when you went grocery shopping?
Me: No, I forgot to. You should of put it on the list.
Him: I did
Me: are you sure?
Him: Oh I’m sure
Me: Well I must have been skimming that day. Sometimes when I’m in a hurry, I skim through the list. So I must’ve skimmed right past it.
Him: Skimmed? Really you just skimmed right past it. Do you know what I went through woman?
Me: No but I’m sure your going to tell me. What’s Your major malfunction anyways? I honestly can’t see you suffering that bad without light bulbs. I mean come on, you don’t even like the light anyways. Your always complaining when I leave lights on. Your definitely a dark kinda of guy. So quit lying to yourself and just accept it and move on. So come on tell me. What did Mr. Dark need light for?
On that note our daughter went upstairs because she couldn’t hold her laugh in anymore. It was getting tough for me also lol
Him: For the f%@!%#@ bathroom
Me: What you can’t find the hole on your own? You need a light shining down to show you the way.
Him: Listen here smart@#%, I have no problems finding it and yeah I do complain about lights always being on.. They don’t always have to be on, except for when I have to take a poop. I want light for pooping. For some odd reason you like to turn on all the lights in this house. And that’s probably why they’re always blowing.
Me: From what I can see , You’re blessed.
Him: Blessed, Yeah I’m real f%@!%#@ blessed.
Me: You are! You had a small light guiding your way and lucky for you I didn’t skim past the toilet paper. So Why are you complaining?
Him: You try pooping by candlelight. It’s not easy.
Me: Okay Honey, I can see that this has really upset you. I promise, first thing in the morning, I will go out and buy some. I love you!
Him: Uh ha
Me: come on lets decide what we want to do for dinner.
Him: we can’t because the light blew in the kitchen too.
After he said that, I picked up my purse and headed to the door. I told him I’ll be back. I’m going to buy light bulbs.
It was either I go to the store, or stay home and deal with another possible traumatic experience. I didn’t want to take the chance lol
So have any of you, or your better half gone through a traumatic experience like this before? Would love to hear all about it.