Let me just start off by saying that, I adore my husband and I love him dearly, but he is a real pain in my butt. He likes to put things off all the time. And I’m not talking about a few days. He likes to put things off for years. Throughout the years every time I would ask him “When are you going to fix the bathroom?” He would always say, I need to think about how I’m going to do everything. I’m no expert, but I didn’t think it took years of thinking to remodel a bathroom. After all the years of all that hard thinking he had to do , I should’ve had the bathroom of my dreams by now.
Well here’s how it all started. Lets rewind back to the year 2008, when my husband had more hair, my daughter was in kindergarten and I was 20 pounds lighter. yeah those were some good times.
Well anyways, one late night, I just finished taking a bath. I lifted the lever to drain the water. A couple minutes later I hear my husband yelling and cussing up a storm. I run downstairs to see what his major malfunction was. As soon as I made it to where he was, “which was the kitchen”, I saw a major leak coming through the kitchen ceiling. The leaking was coming from the upstairs bathroom. I bet you can probably guess that my husband wasn’t too happy at that moment. Hey there’s worse things that could happen. I try to think positive.
The very next day my husband decided he was not only going to fix, but also remodel the whole bathroom. Woo hoo my man was on a mission, and nothing was going to stop him lol He gave me a kiss goodbye and headed to the hardware store. He returned about hour and half later with all the supplies. After telling me about everything he bought, he headed upstairs and got down to business. Man I love it when he gets down to business. There is nothing sexier than your man fixing something that’s on the fix list. It’s an absolute turn on.
Well after a few hours of getting down to business, he called me upstairs to tell me he was all finished. The bathroom looked great! Everything was done except for the new tile, which we could take care of that on another day. Later on that night I decided I was ready for round 2 “yeah baby”. I was going to try and take a bath again since he fixed it. After the bath, I got out and wrapped a towel around me and lifted the lever to drain the water. Yep you guessed it lol. Wouldn’t you know it , a couple minutes later, I hear my loving and caring husband yelling and cussing again. This time I knew what his major malfunction was. You didn’t have to be a psychic to what got his tighty whities in a twist. When I got down stairs I tried to calm him down. You know, be the best wife I could be.
Honey it’s okay, don’t worry abut this tonight, we’ll worry about this tomorrow. Well if looks could kill lol He looked at me and said, Woman I layed the floor already, and I”m not lifting the floor up. Now If we want it fixed, we have to cut a hole in the kitchen ceiling, and i don’t know when I will be able to get to cutting that hole. I just looked at him and said, okay honey I understand, just go relax and I’ll clean the water up. He then just stomped away.
Now lets flash forward 6 years to the year 2014, Now my husband doesn’t have as much hair as he use too, my daughter is in the 5th grade and has a smart mouth, and I put on a few or more pounds, but whose counting, right!
Throughout the past 6 years I would ask my hubby when he was going to fix the bathroom and he would just come up with the “I’m thinking ” excuse again. After waiting 6 years, I felt it was time to get my bathroom fixed. Hell I deserved a good functioning bath tub. I really missed taking a bath. I was determined to get my bathroom fixed this year. I was done with the excuses, and the whining, and I was definitely done with the thinking. I was the one on a mission this time lol. After revving up the ginger in me, I walked right up to him and I asked him, Honey since we have nothing going on today, would you please try and fix the bathroom? Sure honey, I was planning on doing it anyways he said. I was truly shocked by his response. I’m glad plan A worked, because if he would of said no, I was going to have let the crazy out with plan B. I personally like to call plan B “ginger snap”.
About 20 minutes or so later, my hubby got back down to business. Even though it was 6 years later, I didn’t care, business was still business and he still looked real good doing it. And the fact that something was going to get fixed on the fix it list, got me real excited. Yep it’s still a turn on.
He then started cutting a hole in the kitchen ceiling. After the hole was cut, he had me go upstairs to turn the water on so he could see were the leak was coming from. We left the water run for a few minutes or so, but we couldn’t find no leak. It was a miracle! Our bathroom was not leaking anymore. We even filled up the tub and released the water, but still no leak. If this wasn’t a miracle , then we were going crazy lol We then decided to take a break, because one of our good friends stopped by to say hi. While talking with our friend about our leaking problem, he stated to tell us about how his wife would always fill up the water past the overflow, and it would cause the tub to leak. I asked him, what is the overflow? He said right where the lever is. And then it hit me. It was like a switched flicked the light on in my head. Even Jimmy cliffs song from 1993 started playing in my head “I could see clearly now, the rain was gone” I instantly looked at my hubby and said, Oh ya honey, I always fill up the water past the overflow, maybe that’s were the leak is coming from. And if it is, then I guess we didn’t need to make that unnecessary hole in the kitchen ceiling. Well If looks could kill again lol. I would’ve been dead right on the spot.
Woman you can’t fill the water up past the overflow. Well why not ? I need too, because I want to be able to cover my whole body. You just can’t. It’s not good to fill it up past the overflow. Well the tub didn’t come with special instructions and i don’t remember them teaching us about the overflow in school, so how was I to know. Besides now that we know what the problem is, are you going to fix it?
Maybe, only if you promise not to fill it up past the overflow again.
I promise I won’t honey. I just want my tub fixed.
Alright alright I know, I just told a tiny little fib, but what he don’t know, won’t hurt him. Besides I have never been one to listen to any man. It’s just not in my nature. I’m an independent woman. And if I want water covering my whole body, then that’s what I’m going to get.
That same day he fixed the overflow and I’m very happy to report, I have been able to fill that bad boy up past the overflow and take nice long baths now. But we still have an unnecessary hole in our kitchen ceiling. That project can stay on the fix it list for bit longer, because I just got my tub fixed and I wasn’t about to push my luck lol Besides I’m sure the hubby has alot of thinking to do for that project. It’s a pretty big hole lol
I have been through a lot in my past, but I wouldn’t change one bit of it. My past has made me the person I am today. I am proud of how my life has turned out and I’m proud of the person I have become.
In honor of my past, I prepared a speech. Alright everyone raise them glasses up high. Here’s to all my past relationships and experiences. You know who you are.
-Here’s to the skater boy with all the great moves
-And here’s to the male stripper I use to date. Thank you for the striptease that you would do for every A I got in college. That’s motivation at it’s finest!
-Here’s to the cowboy That could really fill out them jeans.
-Here’s to the tattoo artist. You were one hell of a kisser.
-Oh and here’s to the ginger with good vibes. http://crazyredders.com/?s=good+vibe
-Here’s to the idiot that wanted a prenup when he didn’t have anything lol
-Here’s to the mechanic. Thanks for the free service.
-Here’s to the mama’s boy who refused to kiss on the first date. Hey there’s nothing wrong with that.
-Here’s to the military guy for showing up at my door for our second date holding his alarm clock. You made it real easy for me to kick you to the curb.
-And here’s to the lunatic that chased my car down because I cancelled our date. I guess my instincts were right.
And here’s to the rest that didn’t make the list today. Thanks for all the different and unique experiences. Each and every one of you brought me a step closer to the sexy redneck from the rocks. (rocks short for mckees rocks)
Keep your glasses raised up, not done yet. Here’s to all the parties, clubbing, bonfires, camping and fishing trips, karaoke bars. Here’s to friendships, heartaches, losses, tears, and here’s to all the times I got lost because I have bad sense of direction. I guess bad direction can be good too. I found love without a gps lol
All of this plus more has led me to the Redneck From The Rocks. One of the many blessings my past led me too. And I will be forever thankful for that.
Here’s to the past everyone. Cheers!!
So here it is. It was 5am and my alarm was ringing. After hitting the snooze button a couple of times, I finally got up and headed to the back door to let the dogs out to pee. After I let them back in, I then headed to the bathroom to start getting ready for work. I walked up to the sink and grabbed my toothbrush and then grabbed what I thought was the toothpaste, but soon would find out different. I then took the tube of whatever and squeezed a little of the white substance on my toothbrush. I then put it up to mouth and started brushing. After a few seconds of brushing, I noticed that my mouth felt weird, and the taste was different. I looked at my toothbrush and kept thinking what was wrong with my toothpaste, because it tasted fine yesterday. I also noticed that it was very greasy. I thought something was wrong, so I started to rinse my mouth out, but it was so greasy and hard to rinse out. I couldn’t even get out of my brush. I then looked down at the tube of whatever I squeezed on my toothbrush, (probably should have looked sooner) and it didn’t say toothpaste. It said BALMEX. With balmex still in my mouth, Out loud I said Oh- My- God. My husband must have heard me, because he came running to the bathroom as if he thought I got hurt or something. He asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He just busted out laughing. He was laughing so hard, he had to leave the bathroom. He couldn’t look at me no more without laughing. It took me about 20 minutes to get it out of my mouth. But I still tasted it in my mouth the rest of the day. It was a very bad taste in my mouth and I’ll never forget the taste. I am forever traumatized. Ever since this happened, I make sure I look at everything now. My husband will never let me live this one down lol
So have any of you had any similar experiences ? Or has this happened to you? I want to hear all about it.
I can’t remember exactly how we got on this subject, but my husband last night was talking about how he wasn’t in his prime anymore. Which was a known fact already, but anyways. Then he started to tell me how he use to be when he was younger. I knew this was going to be interesting. He stood up out of his lazy boy chair and said, woman you have no idea, I use to be a f$%#ing beast back in the day. I managed to hold my laugh in, but it was hard lol. I looked at him and said, you’re definitely not a beast anymore, You’re a f$%#ing donkey, but I still love you. He gave me this serious but trying to hold his laugh in type of look. He then said, oh someone wants to be a smart ass. I looked at him and said, Well that’s what I do best honey. Then I said I’m just kidding honey, I know you were a beast back in the day. Then I gave him a hug and kiss, and told him I loved him. Sometimes you just got to step back and let them have their moment. My grandfather once told me that you shouldn’t hurt a mans pride. I definitely didn’t want to hurt my husbands pride, besides I think it’s sexy when he tries to act hard. Love him so much 🙂
This story is about a miniature Eskimo Spitz dog named kitty. That’s right the dogs name was kitty lol. She was my grandmothers dog. My gram chose the name kitty because she always wanted a cat too, and she knew she couldn’t get another animal other than this dog, so she named it kitty. This story takes place about 8 years ago.
Picture it, Oakdale 2006. It was a beautiful summer day, not a cloud in sight. It was a perfect day to go out for a drive, so that’s what I did. I decided to take kitty with me. I loaded kitty into my 1993 Oldsmobile Cutless Ciera named Eleanor . I sat her on the passenger side seat, then I shut the door. Once I was in the car, I buckled up and pressed play on my cd player and put my headphones on. Now I know this is a big no no, but my radio didn’t work in the car, and I just had to have music. The car also didn’t have a horn, which was probably not a good thing either lol. After picking track number 6, Here I go again by Whitesnake on my cd player, I put the car in gear and heading down the road. The speed limit was 35 mph, but I was going 45. I guess I have never been good at following the rules. As I continued driving down this long road, putting the pedal to the metal, I decided to put both the driver and the passenger side windows all the way down. I wanted to feel the wind on my face, my long hair blowing in the breeze, you get my drift. I would soon find out that this was also a big no no too when you have a dog riding in your car. I looked over at kitty and she was just sitting on the passenger side seat, she wasn’t up on the window at all. I continued to Cruz down the road jamming to white snake. Thank goodness for peripheral vision, because out of the corner of my eye I seen this white puff ball fly out the window. I pulled over real quick and slammed on the brakes. I was panicking. I was so shook up that the only thing I could pull myself to do, was open the car door and just sit there calling, here kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty. Within a few seconds of calling her, she jumped back into the car on my lap. I kept hugging her. I was so thankful she was okay. She didn’t have a single scratch on her. Thank goodness I wasn’t on a highway, because things might of been allot worse. I can only imagine what the drivers behind me must of been thinking. They must of thought it was a big snowball. They were probably really confused since it was august, the hottest month of the year and this big white fluffy snowball looking thing was flying in the air. I just don’t understand it, she was just sitting on the seat. She wasn’t even up on the window. It was the like the wind just sucked her right out the window. Poor baby. For a small moment in time I guess you can say she was Gone With The Wind.
Lets talk about sex and baby making. I personally like to call it Operation Poke and Hope, (he pokes and she hopes). Baby making (OPH) sucks the life and fun right out couples. I’m here to tell you that you can change this. Baby making can be fun, hot, sexy, steamy, and spontaneous, and lets not forget naughty, that one should never be left out.
Woman don’t need to climax in order to conceive, but that doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t. Hey why let him have all the fun. During the OPH process, woman tend to not care about having an orgasm. Woman are more worried about getting their mans deposit instead of enjoying the moment and having great sex. Be patient ladies, the bank isn’t closing anytime soon, remember you run that shit. Your the CEO of the company, so enjoy yourself, there will be plenty of time for his big deposit. I know the biological clock is ticking and you need to get cracking (Marisa Tomei said it best in the movie My Cousin Vinny), but try and focus on having more fun and bringing foreplay back into the bedroom, make your man work for it. Just because your trying to conceive, doesn’t mean sex should be something quick just so you can get to the end result faster. You deserve to have fun too. I have seen this many of times before, as soon as couples stop thinking about the OPH and just focus on relaxing and having fun, that’s when pregnancy occurs. Don’t let the OPH process consume you, because it will happen, and it will put allot of stress on your relationship and sex life, and you don’t want that to happen. Try not to stress now, because you will be stressed enough once the kids start popping out.
Don’t just have sex in the bedroom either, work your way through the house or even outside the house. Have sex in the kitchen, in the pool (weather permitting), on top of the washing machine, in the pickup truck, or if your really feeling adventurous have him lean you over his 2 stroke (dirt bike) if he has one. That’s always a fun ride. If you want to have some more fun, mix it up a little bit and bring in the whips and chains and handcuffs. Hell if you really want to , get a custom made paddle with your favorite design on it. You can even do some role playing, whatever floats your boat. It’s always fun to inflict some pain too. Pain can be a good and pleasurable thing. Hey sometimes love hurts.
So just relax and go out there and have some mind blowing sex. Come on people lets make baby making fun 🙂
Yes that’s right, you heard me correctly, women get the blue balls too, but it’s called the pink balls. If a man doesn’t have an orgasm, many of them complain that they have an unbearable feeling below the waist, known as the blue balls. Woman can experience the same thing. It can be physically irritating and emotionally frustrating. It’s a type of vasocongestion, meaning swelling of the tissues due to increase blood flow. So many men complain about the blue balls. Well guess what gentlemen , you do it to us too. I guess men thought that if they came up with a name for their condition, that maybe just maybe we would feel obligated to help them with this problem. Yeah They must of been thinking with wrong head. Woman deserve to orgasm just as often as men. Don’t worry this problem will never cause any harm to your privates, which is a good thing, because we don’t want nothing to happen to our special areas. It may be tough to fall asleep with your mind on sex, but the feeling quickly subsides as soon as the blood flow to the area decreases. If your having problems with the pink balls, and if he doesn’t want to step up to the plate then you might have to take matters into your own hands, if you know what I mean! My opinion is, if you tease it, you had better please it, because if you don’t your going to get kicked in the nuts so hard dust is gonna fly. But that’s just my opinion. It kinda works both ways though. Ladies if you have a good man that doesn’t cause you to get the pink balls then make sure you show some love so he doesn’t get the blue balls. Come on everyone, show some ball love and and stop leaving your significant other hanging. Lets eliminate this horrible condition one sex act at a time.
So in previous posts of my blog I have discussed that my husband doesn’t posses the ability to shut the hell up. With that being said let me tell you what happened a few months before our wedding date. We had to meet up with the reverend to discuss what was going to happened at the wedding. Soon as we got to the church we sat down and started talking with the reverend. The reverend started asking us questions like how did you meet, how long have you been together ect. Well like always my husband can’t help himself. And for some odd reason he thought it was important to tell the reverend that I look like side show bob when I first wake up in the morning. I was about to do a Gibbs on him and smack him upside is head. But that wouldn’t necessarily be appropriate. Oh but he was definitely getting it when we got home lol. Him and the reverend were both laughing. My husband looked at me and said what I’m just being honest in the house of the Lord. Man he really drives me crazy sometimes.
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So my husband and I went to the bar the other night. It was so nice to finally get to go out for a change instead of being stuck in the house. We sat at the bar and ordered our drinks. Normally I always order a pop, anybody who knows me, knows that I don’t like to drink. Just a coke and a smile does it for me. But I decided that one drink wasn’t going to hurt, so I ordered a sex on the beach, and the bartender who made it, did a great job, it tasted awesome. After sucking down the alcoholic beverage, I was feeling really good lol. I guess for never drinking, I had such a low tolerance. I started giggling. My husband looked at me laughing and said woman your crazy, but I’m glad your enjoying yourself. Do you want another drink he asked ? You just want to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me. He lifted my left hand up and pointed to my wedding rings and said, please woman, I don’t have to take advantage of you , I own this lol. Your all mine, bought and payed for. After he said that I took my hand back and started taking my rings off, and looked at him and said come on honey show me what you got, try to pick me up. Pretend were not married. Come on I want to see what your working with here 🙂 He started laughing , your so crazy honey , but that’s why I love you. As he continued laughing I said come on show me how you would pick me up. I can’t he said. Well why not, I asked him. He leaned in real close and said Because If Unzip my pants right now then we will both get kicked out of here. That’s how you were going to pick me up I asked him. Woman you know damn well if I would unzip my pants right now , that would be game. I started laughing and said you know me so well honey lol. We then both started laughing. He then leaned in and a gave me a kiss. I’m truly blessed, in more ways than one 🙂 I love my husband so much.